The Painful World

I was amazed to learn recently that the most popular course in colleges today is a Psychology course on happiness. Martin Seligman is the Positive Psychology guru who has written the book Authentic Happiness. He says that happiness is more of a pursuit ala Thomas Jefferson rather than something we can acquire. Here are some tips to help you in your pursuit of happiness.

1. Happiness is a choice – You are able to take a positive or negative approach to issues. Do you find what is good about something or do you focus on what is bad about it?

2. Be grateful – Find the things for which you are grateful and focus on them.

3. Avoid negative self talk - Monitor what you say to yourself. Do you tell yourself you always screw up things, you'll never amount to anything or you are bad at ______? Change your language. Be kind to yourself and forgiving. Avoid using the words "always" or "never" because they have permanence to them that signal you that there is nothing you can do about it.

4. Enjoy relationships with others – People who have friends and a community to support them feel happier. If necessary build your community.

5. Know your life purpose and your values – Find ways to use your purpose and values in your work and in your life. When you know your purpose you know the work you were meant to do. When you define what most important to you in life you know your values. Using your purpose and values gives meaning to your life and work. Doing meaningful work makes you a happier person.

6. Find a cause or an interest that engages and excites you – When you are excited and engaged in what you are doing it can become a passion. Use that passion in your work or in a volunteer activity.

7. Find your own specific work-life balance – Make sure you achieve that balance on a daily basis. If you have a day or two where the balance is off, refer to #3 and forgive yourself.

8. Avoid perfectionism – Perfectionists set themselves up to be disappointed. That disappointment leads to negative self talk. Strive to do your best work and forgive yourself if it is not perfect. Remember that mistakes make you human.

9. Don't take yourself too seriously – Laugh at yourself and see the humor in your humanness.

10. Take 30 minutes a day for quiet reflection – Recall a time and place when you were very happy and spend time in that memory. Use this time for quiet meditation too. Today's life is busy and hectic. Allow yourself to slow down. Appreciate yourself.